Neurodivergent Love Languages: Embracing Unique Ways of Connection
by Erica Ishmael, LPC, MS-ED—Open Access Therapist
In the spirit of February’s themes of love, romance, and relationships, let’s delve into the concept of love languages through the lens of neurodivergence. The notion of “The 5 Languages of Love,” introduced by Gary Chapman in the 1990s, has been a popular framework for understanding how individuals express and receive love. While there’s debate over the scientific backing of these languages, they offer valuable insights into interpersonal dynamics, particularly when considering the neurodivergent community. For neurodivergent individuals, traditional expressions of affection may not always resonate or feel comfortable. Recognizing this, we can explore adapted versions of the original five love languages, tailored to meet diverse sensory and communication needs.
- Deep Pressure vs. Physical Touch: Traditional physical touch may be overwhelming for some neurodivergent individuals. Alternatives like deep pressure hugs or respecting a partner’s tactile needs can foster intimacy without discomfort.
- Parallel Play vs. Quality Time: Quality time for neurodivergent individuals may not involve active interaction but rather sharing space while engaging in separate activities, allowing for a comfortable form of companionship.
- Info Dumping vs. Words of Affirmation: Expressing love through verbal affirmations can be complemented by info dumping, where sharing detailed information about personal passions becomes a profound way of connecting.
- Penguin Pebbling vs. Gifts: The neurodivergent equivalent of giving gifts might involve sharing small, seemingly insignificant items that hold personal meaning, reflecting deep thoughtfulness and connection.
- Support Swapping vs. Acts of Service: Acts of service in a neurodivergent context may include understanding and accommodating each other’s fluctuating capacity for tasks, emphasizing compassion and mutual support.
Additional expressions of love unique to neurodivergent relationships include:
- Sharing Echolalia: Connecting through repetitive sounds or phrases, creating a shared moment of joy or understanding.
- Body Doubling: Co-presence without direct interaction, enhancing focus or task completion through the subtle influence of company.
- Digital Sharing: Exchanging memes, gifs, or other digital content as a form of communication and shared enjoyment.
- Mutual Stimming: Creating a judgment-free space for self-stimulatory behaviors, potentially engaging in these activities together as a form of connection.
Citations
https://stimpunks.org/2022/01/22/the-five-neurodivergent-love-languages-2/
https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2024/01/15/love-languages-lack-of-research/
https://stimpunks.org/2022/01/22/the-five-neurodivergent-love-languages-2/